What did you discover about yourself, recently?

As a highly sensitive person with a drive to be of service in society, it is a priority to be involved and productive. One and a half years ago my life had a pattern of energy ups and downs. It often took me a day or more to recover after an online gathering, a deep conversation, babysitting my grandchildren, being in a busy metro trip, .. I knew, that I could not go on to just throw myself in every situation and cope with what happened, afterwards. I needed alone time to find out how to break this pattern. Happily, I realised, that I had been collecting many experiences to work with.

What made it extra challenging is, that my bodily sensitivity has grown in scope and depth. Whether I am with others or on my own, I receive images about situations and feelings about people. I get impulses to follow my will or drive, to go create and act. Sensations come up – tension, trembling, stiffness, … – and when I zoom in on them they bring up thoughts and emotions. A whole orchestra is playing inside, continuously.

What I found difficult is that all this is about me. I believe in the oneness and interconnectedness of all and everything. I chose to take on Humanity’s Code of Care: ‘Care for self, others, place and planet’ as the core principle to give me guidance, with the aspiration to find ways to care for all four, at each step.

But, … No more buts! I set the intention to learn how to align to the different energies I perceive and sense. I started to evaluate everything that had happened, to learn more about subtle energy and my energies, so I could  keep my balance, calm and ground.

I ended my membership of two networks of beautiful, loving, spiritually-inspired and artistic people. I was always tired after the online gatherings. While the general spirits were high, I felt alone in my natural role to give form, materialise, bring to ground. I also found out, that I was the one who sees what is needed for the whole and tries to complement what is missing. This happens ‘automatically’. I cannot not do it.

I evaluated my contacts and groups and, basically, I stopped with what was not working well enough for me. In the process I learned more about my boundaries as well as my limitations – as a person and at my age of 71. At first it felt like I was limiting myself and I didn’t like it, but eventually I came to the conclusion that it did me good.

How can I be of service in the world, now I’m on my own more often? I appreciate everyone and everything in my daily life. I broadcast love wherever I go. When I encounter, see or read about situations in which people, animals, the environment, the planet are suffering, I speak out a good wish, with the power of my intention. I sing the mantra Lokah samastah, sukhino, bhavantu – May all beings be happy and free. May all thoughts and actions contribute to happiness and freedom for all.

Note: I’m a bit of a do-gooder, so I smile to acknowledge my own greatness as well as smallness.

And what about the energies around and in me? Bit by bit, I’m finding out more about how to work with them. It can be frustrating. I need a lot of patience and self-love. I need to really believe in myself and to trust, that I’m capable of guiding myself in the process.